The Tension Reliever (Jack Off)

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Bravo! I see my regular, never-fail-me, Faithful Readers remembered to do the Ball Check on Monday. I may actually be doing some good, after all! If you are new to Big Whack Attack, the 15th of each month is Buddy Ball Check Day, wherein we do a Testicular Self Exam and then we remind all the men in our lives to check theirs.

B (Courtesy of Your French Patrick)

In recounting the reasons guys jack off, well... I was co-directing a production of Ordinary People and the young man didn't quite understand the reason his character tells the psychiatrist, "I jack off too much." We had to explain that one major reason guys jack off is to relieve tension.

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Yes, a good massage helps. Especially if you can find a masseur who will stroke your cock and relieve every ounce of tension in your body.

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Upon winding them up tighter and tighter as you reach orgasm

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cumming fully relaxes the muscles

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draining the tension from your body

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Anxiety Cure (Jack Off)

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The Anxiety Cure Jack Off. I've employed this one on quite a few occasions. With an impending presentation at the office, my nerves are jumping, I start to sweat, and it seems I can't even get a word out without tripping over my tongue. That's when I use stroking one out in the men's room to help calm my quaking.

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Whether it's sitting in a stall

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or standing right there at one of the urinals

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blasting a load of jizz even helps me breathe better. I'll shake the last gobs off the end of my cock, grab a paper towel and get it damp under the faucet to wipe off any residual from my cockhead, stuff my boner back into my pants and go right to the meeting room. And the presentation comes off without a hitch!

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If I had an office, rather than an open cubicle, I would have jacked off there.

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A

I've even used the Anxiety Jack Off before a first date. It kept the nerves under control - especially if I suspected there might be sex of any kind; I wouldn't have to worry about popping off too soon (premature ejaculations can suck and be embarrassing). As a buddy of mine once said, "You gotta pound one out before you leave for a date."

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B

Back At It

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Well, now. Where were we before being so rudely interrupted? Oh, yes. We were discussing the many reasons guys jerk off. Though we hadn't gotten very far, had we? Jackus interuptus...

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Once "horny" (the #1 reason) is taken care of, the remaining reasons have no particular order to them.

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We apologize, Ladies, if this only enhances our "selfish pig" image - but... You know how you like to sneak off and relax (though, we suspect you're secretly rubbing one out)... Well, - and regardless of sexual orientation - there are times men just want to do the same. We want alone time. We want to strip down, kick back, close our eyes, and relax.

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It's not planned. We're not horny. It just happens; it evolves. Our hands naturally wander to the package.

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The cock gets hard and starts to ooze that lovely, slippery, pre-cum.

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And, in those times, we don't want to have to concern ourselves with anyone's pleasure and gratification but our own. Whether it's a fast and furious pounding of our pud,

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or a slow, sensuous stroking,

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we just want to enjoy our cocks and the awesome feel of spewing the spunk.

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